“No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character”
~John Lord Morley
I agree!But, not completely.
Yes—we all have issues.We all have our cross to bear.We all have inner “things” that can cause each of us much pain.Some of the causes are external—like—food—too much eating, or seeing things that drive us to buy beyond our means.I know full well.
But—is the pain all about the outside?Or is it more about who we are—deep down inside?
I confess—I have had to deal with my “lack of character” in some hard hard ways.I learned early on that lying sometimes works—that sometimes its much easier to try and get away with something.That is about character.
I confess—I have had inner struggles with integrity—when it was easy for me to take money from my father’s drawer so that I could buy something I felt I needed.That is about character.
Oh and there is much much more—but—am I stuck with my inner “lack of character”?
Not when it comes to the life changing miracle of a personal relationship with Christ.
I know a lil bit about the how’s of changing character—I learned from some people that I could change the outside appearance—by looking like I was a good guy—but that failed too.
I learned the hard lessons of Jesus’ power as I have gone through life and allowed Him to deal with my character.It wasn’t always pretty—it wasn’t a cake walk—changing the inside--- character—is not fun.
But—a relationship with Jesus is wholly inside first—
I needed—I continue to need Him to deal with my inside—my heart—my mind—me—
I am glad today—He does the work—and I get to witness the change—and so do the people around me.
“The inward area is the first place of loss of true Christian life, of true spirituality, and the outward sinful act is the result.” ~Francis Schaeffer
Ever get the feeling that… well that things going around you… are well, beyond your control?How bout the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that what you think is actually not quite true?Of maybe the sense that—well, even with all the strength you can muster—you just aren’t strong enough to deal with what is happening in the now?Like right now.It doesn’t make sense, the situation or what is happening right now is just beyond understanding?
I have had a few of those moments.It seems almost lately—like, well like today—that I am “feeling” a little bit like all the above.Really!I think it has to do with 2 things.Now these 2 things (out of my control after thinking and praying and seeking)I thought about these 2 things all day.I wondered deep in my heart, and mind.I questioned myself.I questioned my motives.I questioned pretty much all I could—then I went to the Lord.Should have gone to Him first—but hey, I thought I could figure it out.
Then that bumper sticker came to me—you know—“Let go and let God.”I didn’t really think of the bumper sticker—but the idea to give my anxiety to the Lord did come to my mind and heart.I have a tendency to take things on inside myself—and that is where I was for some time today—inside.
These 2 things come up on occasion—sometimes it has to do with my busyness.I get so busy that I turn inward—trying to problem solve things I can’t solve—the issues are someone else’s and I try to hard to fix it—in my head—which then leads to the second issue—that I become angry—angry at what I perceive as something that shouldn’t be—
Shouldn’t be because of peoples stuff—nevertheless I (I’ll own it) I want to fix them.
The 2 things?
The 2 things that drive me feeling helpless—
When I get stuck in approval from others.
Anger
Yes—I admit it.Sometimes, especially after great ministry moments— I wonder why some of the people I “supposedly” do ministry for—have not accepted me.It sometimes consumes me to the point where I miss all the great things God is doing and focus on their criticism.That leaves me feeling sometimes—like I’m not valued.
Then anger sets in—I become angry at people and situations and my anger then drives me to work more, try and fix, become not fun to be around, isolated and on and on.
Today I met with a friend that pushed some buttons, talked honestly with me and let me know what I knew—that I can’t change people.That as a leader—this is this—(the way it is) and to stay the course.
Yep—I have dealt with all the above thousands of times—it’s the same ole same old.I should know better.I should be able to get past the criticism—I should….
But—I was driven to get alone with God today—and find peace.I had to give Him what I do… I had to give Him my inability to control.I had to face my insecurities—I had to let go—and give it to God.
I know—this blog is sometimes to much of me telling on me—but I have been journaling for 18 years—sometimes my blog bears my journaling.But I hope that someone might read this and know that we all feel the same about this stuff.That the remedy for me today was getting with God—and letting Him know that I was sorry for taking it personally when people criticize me.That I am serving Him—and that I can’t fix people—but He can.
I had to tell Him that I was sorry for my anger towards people, towards situations, towards myelf—and that I...
It’s always weird to get a phone call at 12:30 a.m. from my son, especially when he works driving delivering pizzas.I don’t really like it—but I know for a split second that how I receive the first sentence is important and inside I will admit I was a little be nervous.
My son proceeded to tell me that he just watched a car fly by him traveling over 130 mph and then slam into a wall, into a semi truck and then back into the wall.The car burst into flames as the state patrol showed up.My son was less then 30 yards away.
Today, a day later—I thought of all the things that could have happened.All the possibilities of my son being hit by the car flying on by—and how God protected him.
Hmmmmmm God protecting him?Is that so?Is that real?Am I just making a mountain out of a mole hill?After all—the drive of the car was on a mission and my son was not part of the mission.The driver of the car didn’t even know my son.Was it just luck?Just another bad day in the world as my son watch a 16 year old die on the highway right in front of him?
I have considered the above today—and as I considered the above scene—I thought back to the time back in High School I drove my Mercury Capri well over 100 on the Indiana toll road.The times I would drive my crotch rockets well over 100—pulling wheelies on the interstate.The times I drove my motorcycle after drinking at the bar for a few hours.The times I drove home after last call at 4 a.m.
I thought of God looking over my son on the highway last night and I was thankful.Which led me to remember the times that I have woke up in the middle of the night thinking of the stupid, absolute dumb things I did driving a motorcycle and my cars.
Just like those nights waking up thinking—God must have been looking over me—God in His goodness spared me, my family and my loved ones the tragic end—I was thankful today for His supernatural intervention in my life.His supernatural guidance when I didn’t deserve it—His supernatural movement in the natural world where the laws of gravity have no give.Where the laws of cause and effect are always at work.
For the young man who died on I-75—I feel so saddened for him and his family.What a tragedy.What happened?Why didn’t God intervene?I don’t know the answer.Why would God protect my son or me?I don’t know that answer either.I know I don’t deserve His goodness.
I do know this though—the I believe in a Supernatural God that never sleeps—and that cares deeply for His creation and for that—I will go to sleep tonight thankful for His the supernatural in this crazy, lost world.
“One bad or painful experience can cause you to remain on the banks. But when you do, you neither move forward nor backwards; there you sit, just watching life go by.”
"Lukewarm living and claiming Christ's name simultaneously is utterly disgusting to God." ~Francis Chan
“I believe that pluralistic secularism, in the long run, is a more deadly poison than straightforward persecution” ~Francis Schaeffer
“Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting point to go on into a living relationship - and not as ends in themselves” ~Francis Schaeffer
"You have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to sin. When you are pursuing love, running toward Christ, you do not have opportunity to wonder, Am I doing this right? or Did I serve enough this week?* When you are running toward Christ, you are freed up to serve, love, and give thanks without guilt, worry or fear. As long as you are running, you're safe." ~Francis Chan
“So many of us have abdicated our passions for obligations, as if passion is a luxury for the young, and we must all grow up one day. We, even if reluctantly, fall into place to live a life of conformity that we describe as ‘maturity.’ We’ve made acting like an adult synonymous with living apathetic lives.” ~Erwin McManus
“Humility is not about having a low self-image or poor self-esteem. Humility is about self-awareness.”
“A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.”
~C.S. Lewis
“The inward area is the first place of loss of true Christian life, of true spirituality, and the outward sinful act is the result.” ~Francis Schaeffer
